Overcoming the Root of REJECTION: Part 2

WRONG REACTIONS TO REJECTION

What destroys us is not "rejection" itself, but our wrong reactions to rejection.

1. Aggressive reactions (anger, rebellion): Extroverts

• Refusing comfort, supersensitive, touchy: The problem is not with those who constantly offend you or hurt your feelings, but it is with you and your super-sensitive nature. 95% of the time when people hurt your feelings, they didn't intend to do so.

• Rejection of others (protection mechanisms):  There are people who say ‘I will attack you before you attack me’. They think:  ‘If I reject you before you have a chance to reject me I will feel better’. They expect rejection based on their  past experiences.

• Harshness, hardness, scepticism, unbelief:  Some of it is bitter expectation from past experiences. This is projected through facial gestures and how things are said to others. Because they are unconsciously (or sometimes consciously) projecting rejection towards others, it is hard not to reject these people. When helping someone with a root of rejection, allow God's unconditional love to shine through you.

• Rebellion, aggressive attitudes, swearing, foul language, argumentativeness, stubbornness, defiance, fighting: Rejection is definitely one of the roots of why children rebel. During the time where we are reaping bad fruit from our bad roots, we look for ways to cope. These “ways of coping” in aggressive reactions, are self-destructive, and usually make our situation worse! Not only that but we are still harvesting “the rejection” we are so desperately wanting to avoid. God has no chance to intervene when we aim to be in control.

2. Passive reactions (Fear and Self-rejection): Introverts

• Low self-image, inferiorities, insecurity, inadequacy:  This group does not understand why they receive repeated rejection, and feel they are "cursed.”

• Struggling with personal correction: Such people cannot take any small suggestions or light criticism. Even if you tell them 99% is good but there is 1% where there can be improvement, these people´s world fall apart and for days they are in misery. It is very difficult to communicate to such a person. For example, if someone went through church hurt in the past and they weren’t healed and delivered properly, when they join the next church and they are corrected or rebuked for their own good, the root of rejection will rear its head and the person may feel like this church or leader too is bad. They won’t be able to take the correction, they will feel condemned, attacked and unloved etc. If you have gone through church hurt in the past, you still have to be very careful not to speak ill of leaders (as the bible says). If the Lord tells you to leave the church and join another, leave amicably and in right order. Even for leaders who sin, 1 Timothy outlines a 5-step model as to how the church should deal with this and respond correctly. Many people are carrying rejection from church hurt and need healing and deliverance. They otherwise could become very suspicious and critical of churches and church leaders.

• Unworthiness: Rejection can cause feelings of unworthiness, shame-based self-hatred, a sense of self-rejection, and an inner voice that tells them they are no good. - That something is wrong with them.

• Psychological blocks:  Because of the walls built the person becomes totally blocked. Totally closed, and blocked.  Resistance to open up in relationships.

• Sadness, oversensitivity: Many are supersensitive because they have been hurt in the past, and so their bruised emotions are easily pained. Sadness and depression then occur.

• Self-accusation and self-condemnation, inability to or refusal to communicate: These things lead to depression, psychological problems, self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts etc.

• Fear of failure, fear of others opinions, other fears:  Such people fear expressing their honest opinions and feelings. They adapt their opinions to try to match those expressed by people they are associating with at the time.

• Depression, negativity, pessimism, hopelessness and despair. We wonder why we keep getting more REJECTION? That is the reason we search for ways to cope, in order to feel better.  We start to fear rejection. The fear cycle then begins and protection mechanisms appear.

3. Protection Mechanisms (walls of false protection)

• “Protection Mechanisms” are the walls we build to protect ourselves from further rejection. Walls biblically represent protection, safety, and keeping us safe from our enemies. But we must remember that God is our protection. See  Isaiah 26:1–We are surrounded by the walls of God’s salvation!

• SATAN counterfeits godly walls. Self-made walls build up a defense which is really a facade (pseudo happiness, or strength) that covers up the person’s struggle and fear of further rejection. They live behind walls and masks. Since they don’t know how to just ‘be themselves, they’re always trying to be what others want them to be. We need to tear down self-made walls so godly walls can be erected.

Methods of the flesh to counter the fear of self-rejection can include:

• Striving, performance orientation and achievement: Where a person is basing their identity and who they are upon how well they perform at something in life. Whenever we base who we are upon our performance, or our being correct about something,  then we fail (which is just a matter of time, as no one is perfect except Jesus) - it is a deep blow to our identity and self-worth. This also triggers the cycle to start again.

• Associations: Where people associate only with others of high social status because they derive their sense of self-worth from being accepted by those they believe to be above them.  Or alternatively,  they associate primarily with people who they view as losers  or underdogs, because that is the only group they feel they belong with and can be accepted by.

• Withdrawal, loneliness:  You break off relationships with people you care about deeply before they have a chance to know the real you and reject you. Building walls around yourself, you may isolate yourself, and refuse to communicate or associate with others.

• Independence: When someone moves in isolation, self-centeredness, selfishness, self-justification and self-righteousness.

• Self-control: When someone thinks they are not good enough to be loved by anyone or God. They are controlling in their relationship to people and God. They don't allow or trust God to steer their life when faced with difficult situations.

• Self- protection: Is when a person protects themselves and does not allow anyone to speak into their lives. A person who has a hard time admitting they are wrong, or receiving constructive criticism has an underlying problem with rejection. This is because they are basing their identity, who they are, upon their ability to be right.  Stubbornness can also be rooted in rejection as well for this same reason.

• Self-idolatry: Criticism, judgmental attitudes, envy, jealousy, covetousness. Some people get addicted to having a problem.  It becomes their identity, their life. It defines everything they think and say and do. All their being is centered around it.

• Mistrust: People who have suffered rejection often lose trust in people – such as doctors, leaders etc. If you think it is good not to trust people, you are wrong. God has to set you free from distrust so that you can trust again.

• Self-pity: Using your problem as a means to getting attention, or sympathy - gaining the support of others, victimizing self, etc.

• Pride: Egotism; haughtiness; arrogance manipulation; and possessiveness. These are a cover up from a person’s low sense of self-worth. Looking down on people makes them feel better than others. They are critical and judgmental.

• Control:  Someone who wants dominate others, because he is afraid that he would otherwise be hurt. Also someone who can’t let go and let God - they need to be in control of everything.

• Perfectionism: Many become perfectionists trying to prove their worth to gain love and acceptance. However the problem is that no one can reach that standard all the time and they end up depressed.

• Emotional immaturity: When codependent on others, you need their affirmation. You are unable to break unhealthy relationships and soul ties. Your responses and reaction to conflict is imbalanced, your emotions and thought processes become imbalanced (up and down like a roller coaster). You are very delicate and take everything as an attack. You constantly need people to be ‘nice’ to you and baby you, these people can be mobbing victims. These people are very unstable and inconsistent in their ways and as a result cannot be relied upon - if you yourself are not stable , how will you lead others?  James  1:8 says that an unstable man is double-minded: A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

• If we are not stable, and always react emotionally out of the root of rejection, this will cause a lot of relationship conflict for example, in a marriage. It will also cause people to not be efficient and productive and not navigate life in a healthy way.

• These are all wrong reactions to rejection. Instead of forgiving and receiving Gods healing love, we try in our flesh to cope with the situation in our own way. It is important to realize that these reactions will attempt to block all outsiders to protect ourselves including blocking JESUS and his healing power. These mechanisms block Jesus from reaching the WOUND so that it can be healed. We “perpetuate” what the enemy has done to us by “reacting” to the rejection instead of asking God to heal us, and start the painful healing process with Him lovingly guiding us at our side.

• Even though a person has suffered rejection, they are still accountable for reactions. You are accountable for the ways in  which you have handled, dealt with, and expressed your rejection (such as in anger, rudeness, rebellion, self-pity, self-rejection  etc.). These injurious behaviours need to be confessed and forgiveness requested from God.

  
  

Rejection is a “make it or break it” test for Christians.

Almost every important spiritual leader in the Bible had to overcome rejection. Consider the life of Jesus, Noah, Elijah, Ruth, Gideon, David, Isaiah, Daniel, and Jeremiah. Every person experiences some form of rejection in life. The question remains: Will we allow God to heal us of rejection, as He did with many of our biblical heroes? Or will we allow it to destroy us like it did King Saul?

Please read 1 Samuel 18. First, we hear of the women praising David for slaying his ten thousands, but Saul for slaying his thousands. This rejection made Saul angry with David and jealous of him. The very next day, an evil spirit came upon Saul and caused him to become exceedingly angry, to the point of attempting to murder David! This is some ugly fruit that all started with rejection. It wasn't rejection that opened Saul up to the evil spirit, but rather his reaction to his rejection.

Rejection and rising above rejection are all about identity and what you base your identity upon. The key to overcoming rejection is to solve the identity problems. When we base our identity upon what the Word of God has to say about us, we will become virtually rejection-proof. We can become immune from the wounds of rejection as long as we are not basing our identity upon what others think of us.

A note to soul winners: Don’t take it personally when people decline your invitation to church or when they do not want to hear about Christ. Remember, they are not rejecting you but are actually rejecting God. And sometimes the seed which you have planted needs time to mature - it may not be time yet perhaps, so you have to entrust them to the Lord and just pray for them - be it family, friends, etc., while you keep pursuing your walk with the Lord.

God's Plan for Healing and Restoration

The Lord doesn’t want you to spend years struggling with the fruit by cutting back the tree which will GROW BACK! He wants to set you FREE from that area of BONDAGE. "Right down to the ROOTS" (Mark 11...roots will wither away...). The Holy Spirit wants to go deep to root out rejection and buried hurts. Healing comes as we discover the root and it gets healed by Jesus! Jesus is in the business of cursing bad roots – and so are we!

And as they passed by in the morning, they saw the fig tree withered away from the roots. Peter remembered what had happened and said to Jesus, "Look, Teacher, the fig tree you cursed has died! (Mark 11:20-21)

Demonic oppression: The accusing spirits that are attached to the ROOT will be SILENCED. Understand that the Accuser attaches itself to the root (from past rejection experiences) to torment you and to keep reminding you of your rejection and worthlessness. The devil will be silenced as the root gets healed.

SILENCE THOSE VOICES from the Enemy! God has called you to freedom. He has great things planned for you! Isaiah 42:6-7 says "I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness."

When the roots are healed, we will have stability through our new identity in Christ. He will restore to us the stolen years. Remember that it is never too late.

"Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust."(Joel 2:25)

Steps to HEALING from the EFFECTS of REJECTION

1. Don’t just forget it (denial hinders healing)

   One way many people try to get rid of pain is to just forget what happened and try to block out the person who hurt them. You can delete that person from your contacts and for a while you will be able to forget what happened; or pretend that the pain is not there. However, if complete healing did not occur the pain is still there. The pain that lingers from the past keeps you tied to the past. Instead of RUNNING, stop, turn around and look rejection in the eye.

   
   

2. Conduct an honest appraisal (assess the fruit and discover the root)

   Call it what it is - “by name” – rejection. This can be painful to do since avoidance feels like protection from the reality (see Psalm 23). Take responsibility for your behaviour. Assess the fruit and discover the root. The losses you have experienced in the rejection are one source of pain. You cannot forgive completely until you grieve what you have lost. As long as you still feel the pain, there is still more to grieve and release.

   An Honest Appraisal Healing is like peeling an onion, with tears you peel it one layer at a time. The amount of peace you have can be a good indicator of how much healing you have received. Make a list and write down all that you have lost: “I accept the fact that I lost x, y, z (good mother, or childhood etc.); I accept the fact that a, b, c is gone.”

   
   

3. FORGIVE: Jesus also suffered Rejection

   He identified with our rejection and shame. He forgave those who has intentionally or unintentionally hurt Him. In Luke 23:34, Jesus says “Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing.” Jesus is our example.  Even in the midst of this rejection HE called out to GOD. He did not allow bitterness or hate to destroy his relationship with Father God. See Matthew 27:46: “My God my god why have you forsaken me.”

   Forgive others and God. If you have been rejected, there will undoubtedly be someone who has hurt you that you will need to forgive. This can include God or even perceived rejection. Failure to forgive is one of the most common barriers to receiving God’s blessing. It is not the one who is resented who suffers the most. It is the one who resents.

   The offended person is emotionally and spiritually BOUND to the offender by unforgiveness. Such a grudge sustains the hurt the offended person feels. This bondage can never be broken (no matter how much distance is put between them) except by forgiveness. We will need the POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT to help us to FORGIVE. The offender should ask to be forgiven, but he may never do so. Therefore, the offended must initiate forgiveness.

   You could use this prayer to forgive: Lord I choose to forgive (insert name) for the pain caused to me. I bring this offense to the power of the cross and declare that it is forgiven. I accept that you have shed your blood, Lord Jesus, as a full payment of the debt. They owe me nothing.  AMEN.

4. Make a conscious decision to rid yourself of the bad fruit that rejection has produced

   Verbally commit to a conscious decision to get rid of the “bad fruit” that rejection has produced in their life (such as bitterness, resentment, hatred, and rebellion). Certain bitter roots that have come out of these things will have to be broken. For example, making inner vows by saying “No one will tell me what to do.” (This includes God.) Or, “I will never open myself up or trust anyone or trust anyone with my private things about myself again.”  

   Make a conscious decision that your rejection protection walls must come down! Turn your protection over to God. God is your protection. Isaiah 26:1 says “We are surrounded by the walls of God’s salvation!” You need to be able to forget about yourself; reach out, give to others, without fear of rejection and be able to encourage others.

5. Accept yourself

   Put an end to self-criticism and belittling yourself. We have no right to criticize what God has made. Remember that you did not make yourself, God made you.  We are God's workmanship. Understand today that you are accepted by God- you are NOT rejected! God has made us what we are. Ephesians 2:10 says: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

   The key to overcoming rejection lies in solving the “identity problem”. Meditate on how God thinks about you according to His Word, and resist the old lies and negative thinking. You can no longer evaluate yourself based on your life before Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17). Whenever we base our identity on what we think or what others think about us (1) we make ourselves vulnerable to the damage of rejection; (2) then we actually entrust our identity to that person. Realize that your identity is in Jesus (you are loved and accepted, you are His beloved child, etc.) and you do not need the approval of others to feel good about yourself.

6. Pray a deliverance prayer from a spirit of rejection

    The enemy has stolen from you and now God is going to restore the damage done by rejection.

   
   

   Pray over yourself:

   I release all rejection from my past to the Lord (Isaiah 53:3).

   I come against the spirit that says I do not belong anywhere or that I do not fit in anywhere (Ephesians 2:19).

   I come against the spirit of inferiority and self-pity (Romans 8:37).

   I invite the Lord to heal every wounded place (Jeremiah 30:17).

   I choose to accept myself as God has accepted me (Ephesians 2:10).

   I am free from the spirit of rejection and from the pain of rejection (2 Corinthians 5:17)

    In Jesus’ name, Amen!

   Seldom is only the spirit or curse of rejection found. It is almost always accompanied by a spirit of self-rejection, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear, and perceived rejection, including a nagging voice of the enemy – criticizing, reminding you of your past, telling you “you can’t do anything” – keeping you fearful of “bad things happening.”

7. Victory over wrong reactions to rejection

   In Christ, you can now react properly when intended or unintended rejection occurs because HE loves us unconditionally. In the future when rejection occurs instead of avoiding it or “reacting negatively” to it we will have victory in Jesus!  Rejection can no longer harm us.

8. Healing of the heart through the unconditional love of Jesus  

   One of our greatest God-given needs is to be fully known and be unconditionally loved. Only God can do this, no one else has this ability to love unconditionally. Romans 5:8 says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

   
   

   God takes our stony heart and gives us a new heart. Ezekiel 36:26 says “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”

   Jesus identifies with us and protects us so that rejection cannot harm us. God is our protection -  we no longer need to have protection mechanisms (of the flesh). Remember that the fear of rejection no longer rules your life!  

9. Pray for Freedom from Rejection

   Lord Jesus Christ, I believe that you are the Son of God and the only way to God the Father. You died on the cross for my sins and you rose again from the dead.

   
   

   I repent of all my sins and I forgive every other person, as I would have God forgive me. I forgive all those who have rejected me, hurt me, and failed to show me love Lord, and I trust you also to forgive me and them.

   I believe Lord, that you do accept me. Right now, because of what you did for me on the cross, I acknowledge that I am accepted. I am highly favored. I am the object of your special care. You really love me. You want me. Your Father is my Father. Heaven is my eternal home. I am a member of the family of God, the best family in the universe. Thank you! Thank You, Lord!

   
   

   One more thing, Lord; I accept myself the way you made me. I am your workmanship and I thank you for what you have created. I am the object of your love and care.  You want me. I believe that you have begun a good work in me and that you will carry it on to completion until my life ends (Philippians 1:6, 1 Thessalonians. 5:24).

   Lord, so that your forgiveness can be fully effective in me, I now forgive myself for doing all the things I have brought before you in prayer, and I release myself from previous feelings of guilt and from constantly going back into the past when I have already asked for your forgiveness.

   I break any bondage condemning myself and judging myself unacceptably to you and to others. Release me from these self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, in the precious name of Jesus.

   Now Lord, I proclaim my release from any dark, evil spirits that has taken advantage of the wounds in my life. Lord, I bind the spirits of rejection, self-rejection, perceived rejection, and fear of rejection, in the blessed name of Jesus Christ. I break the power of the adversary over me and I command him to leave, in Jesus' name. I renounce any territory that was previously given to him and I joyfully give it back to God.

   I proclaim my release from any and all dark and evil spirits that have taken advantage of the past woundedness in my life. I release my spirit to rejoice in the Lord. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

   
   

   “Sermon by Apostle Dr. Premla Mahadevan, adapted from the manual “Overcoming the Roots of Rejection” (author unknown).”