Overcoming the Root of REJECTION: Part 1

Isaiah 61:1-3 says:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me:

• To preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted.

• He has sent me to bind up and heal the broken-hearted.

• To proclaim liberty to the (physical and spiritual) captives, and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound.

• To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

• To comfort all who mourn. To grant consolation to those who mourn.

• To give them an ornament of BEAUTY instead of ASHES.

This scripture reminds us that the Lord will make it up to us for all the hurts we have experienced in life. God will give us BEAUTY for our ashes, HEALING for harm, RESTORATION for destruction.

REJECTION is the opposite of what God desires for you. From beginning to end, Scripture reveals God's plan to free you from the bondage rejection causes. You are accepted in the beloved. His love for you is unconditional! Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Rejection is not God's plan, but it is the plan of the enemy. Rejection is one of Satan's most effective forms of OPPRESSION. Rejection may keep a sinner from coming to God for salvation and a Christian from reaching his or her full potential in God. It breaks and prevents normal and harmonious relations between family members, marriage partners, fellow workers, and friends. It also distorts our image of God as a loving heavenly Father who loves us and wants only the best for us.

Rejection affects the whole person: Spirit (Proverbs 18:14-“A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”); Soul (The mind, will, and emotions) and Body (A dislike of the body and it affects health). Rejection reaps rejection. People who have received more than their fair share of rejection in their past usually reflect this same rejection to others, or like a “magnet,” are always attracting further rejection. Taking a closer look at the roots and symptoms of rejection does not encourage you to live in the past or be self-centered but rather makes you aware of where the enemy has stolen so you can be set free from the past to bring healing to your life!

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The Root Causes of Rejection

“The thief comes but to kill, steal, and destroy, but I have come to give life and life in abundance.”(John 10:10)

The resulting damage from rejection depends on the “degree” of rejection.  For example: a person’s age; the closeness of the relationship in which they were rejected; how young; how many years have passed since the rejection, etc. Those who suffer multiple roots or a deep level of rejection will have damaging effects.  But remember, God is our HEALER!

Let’s first identify some of the damaging effects of rejection considering this fact. God’s purpose for revealing the negative effects of rejection is only for the purpose of HEALING and not for condemnation!

10 Root Causes of Rejection

1. The manner or timing of conception: In some cases, the parents may not have wanted their child – perhaps the child was conceived out of wedlock or from a rape; there may have been bad financial circumstances; the mother may have been in poor health or perhaps the couple were too young and not ready.  

   
   

2. In the mother’s womb: Traumas during pregnancy can affect the developing baby emotionally. This can include baby’s victim to attempted abortion, or a baby conceived after previous miscarriage. If this is true for you or your child – remember:

   
   

3. “I will give thanks unto thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Wonderful are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My frame was not hidden from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see mine unformed substance; And in thy book they were all written, Even the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them...” (Psalm 139:14-17)

   
   

4. The manner of birth: This includes long and traumatic delivery (which can cause a person to fear death or feel they have to prove their right to be alive); the child not being the parent’s desired gender  (later the child can reject their male/female identity - such as tomboy girls; drug addicted mother (child is lethargic and weak can be afraid to sleep in case they die) or if the mother has a fear of delivery – the child can feel the anxiety. Take a look at the situation and environment surrounding your birth (situation in the family, death of relatives, financial bankruptcy etc. ) and see if there could have been a breeding ground for rejection.

   
   

5. Baby not being bonded to its mother: There could be a delay of early bonding (because of isolation caused by either the mother or the baby becoming sick or being in trauma at birth).  If there was a long absence of mother during the first 2 years of life, the separation causes damage, as the child sees itself as a unity with the mother. Depending on how long the separation, the child blocks all attempts of mother to love him because of "fear of rejection". The ability to trust and the ability to know that they are treasured and have their own identity which God has given them can be damaged. This can also affect the child's ability to have a relationship to God (having mistrust in their bonding with God). This can also eventually lead a child to look for substitute mothers (lesbianism). The child is left often having a feeling of emptiness, which they fill later in life with addictions or dependent relationships with people.

   
   

6. Being an adopted Child: An adopted child is always a rejected child. This  causes feelings of abandonment as well as rejection and fear of rejection; as they are forced either to live with relatives or in a foster home, or to live in a different culture or sent to a boarding school.

   
   

7. Inherited rejection: Rejection issues are passed down from generation to generation. For example there can be several generations of alcoholism, bankruptcy, low social status, experiences of racism or sexual abuse carried down to next generation. But always remember Psalms 94:14: “For Yahweh won't reject his people; neither will he forsake his inheritance.”

   
   

8. Factors in the Family Home: A dysfunctional family is where one or both parents are dysfunctional (there may have been sickness, depression, psychological problems); or where there was physical, emotional or sexual abuse (most devastating) or where there was not right order in the home such as a weak-willed father, dominated by the wife. In such cases, there is a neglect of basic needs and children believe love must be earned by good behaviour. Parents are not able to show love and give praise.

   
   

   Parents may suffer disharmony in marriage - divorce, separation (this is especially traumatic when the child is under 12 years). When parents fight, the child feels guilty. There can be jealousy and strife with other siblings and there may be favouritism by one or both parents of the other sibling. Another example is when parents with a handicapped child do not give sufficient attention to the other children or let the other children carry too much responsibility. There could have been a dictatorship authority structure in the home – where children were over disciplined or controlled (which destroys their self-worth, develop feelings of helplessness, or resignation).

   
   

   Overprotective mothers subconsciously communicate to their children that they are not good enough. For example: “you can't do that, I will do it for you”, not allowing child to learn household tasks etc. On the other hand, children who have to take on adult responsibilities or care for the other siblings in the family and suffer untold rejection for the other brothers and sisters they have been put in charge of, and also from the parents because they cannot master this task without mistakes and keep the children and house in order. If any of the above resonate with you - remember:

   
   

   Matthew 12:20 “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory.”

   John 16:21 “A woman, when she is in labour, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.”

   Isaiah 49:15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

   
   

   Psalm 27:10 “Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”

   Psalm 68:5 “God is the Father of orphans,...God makes homes for the homeless, leads prisoners to freedom…”

9. Problems caused by teachers or other classmates: There may have been rejection from unsupportive teachers for those who struggled with learning abilities, handicaps or who were slow learners. There are those who were bullied or called names, those who struggled to find friends. Some have been in a foreign country and unable to connect with others in their host community. Even in college or university years some of you did not find yourself fitting in the “in group” or any group at all. There are those with “broken hearts” caused by relationships with the opposite sex. Men and women have suffered deep rejection in these years to the point of swearing themselves to stay single or in some cases preferring same-sex relationships. In some cases there was unsuccessful cutting off of the umbilical cord from the parents.

   
   

   Psalm 72:4 “He will defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy. He will crush the oppressor.”

10. Self-Rejection caused by their own attitudes: In some cases, people reap rejection from others by own attitudes or way of doing things. This is due to rejection suffered, a self-hate and low self-esteem has taken hold in their life. This includes having made bad decisions and being unable to forgive self. There are those who fear close relationships (often sabotaging relationships when they get too close). Here, the unconscious message is “no one will would love me if they really knew the real me.” In some cases there may be a lack of interest in getting job training (self-sabotage). Some have pursued reckless relationships (hells angels, undertaken abortions etc.). They defy social norms in the way they dress and the way they act. Subconsciously they believe if you defy the rules of society you can console yourself that any rejection is only the rejection of your appearance or mannerisms, and you can distance yourself from “rejection of a personal nature”.

    
    

11. Multiple causes in later life (a) Career and Job (b) Marriage & Family Relationships (c) Elderly years

    a) Career and job: through successes or failures, in your ability/inability to provide financially (due to unemployment, disability) or working your way up the ladder (oversight or mobbing) there may be rejection from bosses or other co-workers.

    
    

    b) Your own marriage and family relationships: Issues such as unfaithfulness, one partner controlling finances, being stingy, or rejection from your marriage partner leading to divorce etc.

    Rejection may also come from one parent taking the side of the child (against the other parent), or having seen this in your own upbringing – your own children start rebelling.

    
    

    c) Rejection in elderly years of life: Come from not accepting or coping with growing older (wrinkles, bodily changes) or with the consequences of retirement -financial lack or poverty.

    Other issues could be the early death of souse or children, financial lack, chronic sickness and helplessness. Some cannot cope with their children leaving home (empty nest), while others struggle when their children grow up to live misguided or sinful lives.

Please reflect on the 10 points above and how they relate to your life and your past. Write these down and pray over them. Meditate also on the following scriptures to know you are not trapped by your past or present.

• Isaiah 46:4 “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

  
  

• Psalm 109:22 & 31 “I am oppressed and needy. I can feel the pain in my heart. He stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save his life from those who condemn him.”

  
  

• Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can

  do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

  
  

• Jeremiah 30:17 “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the LORD,

  because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.”

  
  

• Jeremiah 30:17 “For I will restore you to health And I will heal you of your wounds,’ declares the LORD, ‘Because they have called you an outcast (rejected)…”

The damaging effects of rejection

 “The strong spirit of a man sustains him in bodily pain or trouble, but a weak and broken spirit who can raise up or bear?” (Proverbs 18:14)

Some forms of a wounded spirit are serious. Some have a wounded spirit through the rejection and cruelty of people, or because of the lack of gratitude of people they have helped. It is a terrible wounding when someone who should be your friend, becomes your foe and when, like Jesus, you also have a Judas Iscariot.

Degree of Rejection

Children are especially vulnerable to the damage of rejection, because they are still developing their identity and learning about who they are. A person's age also has a lot to do with their vulnerability to rejection. The closer a person is to you increases the seriousness of the rejection that can wound you. Authority figures are also able to deeply wound you, because you look up to them and rely upon them.

People who have received excessive amounts of rejection in their past either reflect the same rejection towards others (“I will reject you before you reject me”) or they become like a magnet - attracting or reaping even more rejection everywhere they go.

Find out the root cause of rejection

To look at the past to find roots and symptoms from rejection is not dwelling on or living in the past, but instead it is to uncover the roots where the enemy has stolen from you in your PAST, so that FREEDOM and HEALING can come to your now and your FUTURE!

INTENSIONAL REJECTION: Intentional rejection is basically emotional abuse in it's most simple form. It wounds a person's spirit, sometimes slightly, other times those wounds can be deep and very painful. Those wounds must be healed.

PERCEIVED REJECTION: Is where a person receives something as rejection when it really isn't. For example, "Why is that person not coming over here to talk to me?" When the person may not be trying to reject you, but just feel shy at the time in stepping out and meeting you (or anybody else for that matter). People who have spirits of rejection can have a tenancy to receive perceived rejection, because the purpose of a spirit of rejection is to make us feel rejected.

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What can destroy us is not “rejection itself”, but wrong reactions to rejection 

Rejection in roots produces bad fruit which are WRONG REACTIONS to the rejection. The results and effects of rejection affect the whole personality. The outward expressions or symptoms of rejection result in one of three major areas of response:

1) Aggressive Reactions

2) Passive Reactions and

3) Emotional Walls.

Interestingly, underneath these first two personality types (aggressive and passive) the roots are fairly similar. In both cases, the root problem underlying their responses to the things of life is the same: rejection and hurt. The wounded REJECTED person constructs emotional walls around their heart and typically makes vows, such as "no one will ever hurt me again.”

1. An aggressive response (rebellion, anger): Those who respond ‘OUTWARDLY’ (extroverts) to the hurts of rejection fight back and tend to live life with a defiant or even a rebellious type attitude. These individuals can  exhibit rebelliousness, sexual promiscuity, self-sufficiency, anger, rejection of others, deception, and/or defiance. This personality type fights everything and is oppositional. Their reactions to rejection begin with resentment, then hatred and finally rebellion (See 1 Samuel 15:23).  They have a need for control and engage in self-injury. They are characterized by deep shame.

   
   

2. A passive response (self-rejection, fear): Introverts or those that respond INWARDLY exhibit an approval-seeking nature, submissiveness, loneliness, and/or depression. They have a passive response to the hurts of rejection in their lives and tend to live behind walls and masks, hiding from others and themselves. Since they don’t know how to just ‘be themselves,’ they’re always trying to be what others want them to be. The wrong reaction of those who give in revolve around fear and self-rejection. They  believe there is nothing they can do against rejection. This leads to spiraling of negative emotions, ending in desire for and inflicting of death. They may be involved in self-destructive or risky behaviors, and they have an inner desire to die.

   
   

3. Emotional Walls: to counter fear of further rejection people often use protection mechanisms. Those who hold out (cover up) build up a defense which is really a façade that covers the person’s struggle. They may appear very strong. They may also develops a superficial happiness.

People are generally motivated to do what they do because of the deep and hidden hurts in their lives. Choices are often made primarily to avoid further hurt and pain, and to find ways and means to cope with the pain they already have. When you understand this, then the reasons people do certain things begin to make sense. Because rejection hurts, people will often go to extreme lengths to avoid the possibilities of further rejection.

BIBLE says a bitter root takes over (helplessness to the reactions sets in)- see Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled…” Satan stirs up “further” REJECTION wherever he can find a BITTER ROOT.

Rejection is caused by those who are close to us, and causes us pain. Rejection deals specifically with relationships. So it affects your relationships with others:  friends, family, co-workers, etc.  Psalm 55:12-15 says “For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.”  Rejection comes from people we love and trust. Jesus was also rejected by Judas who kissed him while selling Jesus out to the Pharisees, behind his back . If Jesus suffered Rejection, so will we! 

Rejection results in wounding of the heart, sometimes so painful that the mind refuses to deal with it, so we bury it in our subconscious. Later it comes up in other ways to cause us problems through our reactions. However, if you trust in the Lord you will understand that He will protect you. Change your desire from wanting to be in control to submission to God – which means letting go of control. This will allow you to move forward into God’s joy and freedom.

Prayer for freedom from rejection:

Lord Jesus Christ, I believe that you are the Son of God and the only way to God the Father. You died on the cross for my sins and you rose again from the dead.

I repent of all my sins and I forgive every other person, as I would have God forgive me. I forgive all those who have rejected me, hurt me, and failed to show me love, Lord, and I trust you also to forgive me and them.

I believe Lord, that you do accept me. Right now, because of what you did for me on the cross, I acknowledge that I am accepted. I am highly favored. I am the object of your special care. You really love me. You want me. Your Father is my Father. Heaven is my eternal home. I am a member of the family of God, the best family in the universe. Thank you! Thank You, Lord!

One more thing, Lord; I accept myself the way you made me. I am your workmanship and I thank you for what you have created. I am the object of your love and care. You want me. I believe that you have begun a good work in me and that you will carry it on to completion until my life ends (Phil. 1:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:24).

Lord, so that your forgiveness can be fully effective in me, I now forgive myself for doing all the things I have brought before you in prayer, and I release myself from previous feelings of guilt and from constantly going back into the past when I have already asked for your forgiveness.

I break any bondage condemning myself and judging myself unacceptably to you and to others. Release me from these self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, in the precious name of Jesus.

Now Lord, I proclaim my release from any dark, evil spirits that has taken advantage of the wounds in my life. Lord, I bind the spirits of rejection, self-rejection, perceived rejection, and fear of rejection, in the blessed name of Jesus Christ. I break the power of the adversary over me and I command him to leave, in Jesus' name. I renounce any territory that was previously given to him and I joyfully give it back to God.

I proclaim my release from any and all dark and evil spirits that have taken advantage of the past woundedness in my life. I release my spirit to rejoice in the Lord. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

“Sermon by Apostle Dr. Premla Mahadevan, adapted from the manual “Overcoming the Roots of Rejection” (author unknown).”